Day One : Name something irreplaceable that you lost.

Before I start blogging about this specific topic I'll briefly explain what I'm doing here.  In conjunction with, or maybe in copyright infringement of, my old good friend Steph, who I've recently reconnected with and has similar hopes and dreams as me, I'm doing this 80 day challenge thing.  Basically, I have this list of 80 topics, one to write about each day.  Figured it would make blogging easier to have my topics ready and there it was!  So here we go.

Just found out that the "enter" key doesn't work on this here typing box thing.  Frustrating.

I for the most part, I don't believe that things are irreplaceable.  Things are things.  I'm like a Buddhist in that I believe too much emotional connection to things in the world is unhealthy.  I can honestly say there is nothing (not to be confused with "no one") I could lose right now that I would really intensely mourn.  My car?  Yeah, I'd be upset, but mostly because how the hell am I going to get to work?  My apartment?  Yeah, but mostly because I know there's no way I'm living with my mom again.  (I love you, Mom, I just don't want to live with you.)  I could go on down the list.  The only thing I could think of that I have right now is a necklace that my mom slash son gave to me on my first mother's day as a mother.  It is a heart that wraps around into a circle, and engraved on it are the words, "A mother's love has no end".  I keep it hanging off my rearview mirror, but not because of what it is, because of what it represents.  If I lost that, I'd be a little upset, but it's not like I wouldn't still have my son, or I wouldn't still be a mother, or I wouldn't still have a mom that cares enough to do cute little things like that. 
Therefore, I could only think of one thing that I've lost that I'm truly sorry for losing, something that IS irreplaceable.  My bible.  I have had lots of bibles, this one that I lost wasn't my first.  It wasn't even the first bible I got while I was in Teen Challenge, although it was close, at one point in my program I had six different bibles in various places around my room.  This was my first NLT (New Living Translation) bible, and I did receive it from my mom while I was in Teen Challenge.  We needed that version to complete our PSNC's (Personal Studies for New Christians.)  There were a few things that made this particular bible especially special to me.
I wrote in it.  I had never written in a bible before, so all my previous bibles were filled with highlights and nothing else.  I wrote in bibles after it, but here's the difference.  I wrote in this bible before I came to God, when I came to God, and as my journey with God continued.  I have no other bible with the lyrics to "40 ounces and chronic dice" written in the margins.  I was confined and needed a place to be free and write my thoughts, and since I wasn't allowed to journal, I wrote in my bible the things I was forbidden to say aloud.  This reminds me of where I came from, and how far I've come.  It also reminds me that God loved me even then, even when I didn't believe in him, even when I didn't love him back.  Of course, I also wrote of my insights and things as I first came to God and further along in my journey, and there is something extra wonderful about hearing anyone, including yourself, talk about God during that initial burst of awe and joy immediately following the acceptance of God.  It's like how Jesus talks about the faith of children.  Spiritual babies have inspiring eagerness to those that have known God for some time.
This bible is falling apart at this point.   I mean, I don't know where it is.  But the last time I saw it the cover was falling off, pages were ripped, taped, ripped again, there were random bookmarks everywhere, the binding was loosening, it was a hot mess.  I love that though.  I read that bible every single day, many times a day, for a long time each time, and you can tell.  You can tell how much a book has been used by what kind of shape it's in.  My bible was USED.
There are notes in that bible from some of my best friends at Teen Challenge.  We weren't supposed to write each other notes, but we did in our bibles.  On one page I have the contact information of a Jessica Krimmel, who also lives in Omaha, because we wanted to be sure we could find each other when we got out.  Lots of friendly memories in there.
Maybe one day I'll find that bible, or maybe the bible itself will forever only be a memory to me.  Though it's not a terrible sadness that I lost it, it is definitely something that can never be replaced, no matter how many bibles I buy and no matter how much I write in them.